05.25.2012 A beautiful day
Brother: If you love someone, you will forgive their mistakes, even if they put you through hard time.
Sister-in-law: If the person you love do you wrong after all, than hes not worth it.
Bestfriend: You can do so much better, why are you so into him?
Me: Thank you love, I learned how to generosity, respect and care. Theres tear whenever i see your brilliant smile, like the sun to accompany the sea.
(A piece of the memory just hit me)
I forgot how it all started, maybe it was this feeling i had for you. I found myself liking you, to deeply in love with you. One month of chatting, 30 days of like, 1800hrs of love, all crazily happened in three months. Right and wrong weren’t a choice, for i did not regret falling for you. You then became part of me. What we had was complicated and confusing, but if it was simple it wouldnt be so unforgettable. Tbh, i find it hard to reply when you send me messages. Remember those times when i always blow up your phone with my long essays? Lol how silly was i. Now, i dont even text. It wasn’t your fault for leaving, i never blamed you, but giving you my unconditional love was my biggest mistake. There’s a time where all I want to do is lay down and cry, because the one who would cheer me up is the one who put me down. Sometimes I wish I never became so close to you, that way it wouldn’t be as hard saying goodbye. The thing that hurt me the most was you didn’t even realize you were hurting me. Anyway. I see that you hate me, hope you truly do because its the only formula to end this pain for me. I wish i could be like you, act like nothing happened between us. Please dont feel like im blaming everything on you, but thats how i feel. I broke down when you said you were sorry about what you put me through, but it was too late. You didnt just hurt me, you destroyed me. Eventhough we went separate ways i still wish you happiness, and you are living happy:)
P.S: Done going through pain, done suffering, done caring for you, done missing you. You dont even know what im feeling and you probably wont understand.
SDL: I’d rather be physically hurt than emotionally; You can put a band-aid on your finger, but you cant put one on your heart.
(Source: jellybellymelony)
05.24.2012 Rainy
Lets talk about my sister-in-law. We hang out everyday, tell each other everything, go everywhere together, we’re do it like bestfriends! I have found a similarity in us, we fall and get hurt easily. Before she met my brother, the guys she went out with were back stabbers, they’ve cheated on her, lied to her, and all. She still misses one of her ex-boyfriend, she put herself through so much trouble for of him. He was a nice guy, but thats how most of guys start their “game”. They attract you with their look, get your heart, get bored, leave. She fought two of his ex-girlfriends because they were trying to interfere. She was always there for him, always 100% honest, gave him everything he asked for. So what? He still cheated on her in the end. Yet she still misses him, cry over him, and HIM that she love and cares about. This is why we shouldnt give our heart out easily, unless the other person does the same. Dont be naive and ignorant!
P.S: I have decided to push you out the door, this nightmare really needs to end! If the things i do makes you hate me, please understand why. If not, i apologize. I have no choice, im sorry for turning my back and walk away; but i love you. THE END.
(Source: jellybellymelony)
Requested: Liars, promise breakers, players, and cheaters.
Talking about those^^^! I have experienced all. Theres really no way to avoid getting play, but its better to be smart! You will always fall for someone’s appearance, for thats the first thing you look at before you fall right? If a guy/girl has a lot of people on them, DO NO fall for that person. Its a trap! Lol! 90% of the pretty boys are hypocrites, 90% of the girls are fake. Thats why its better to stay single, stay away from the “mango” lol If you accidentally did, im sorry. You will have to go to the store and buy a 100 box of tissues, it will last a good 6 months. Or come talk to me!:D
(Source: jellybellymelony)
05.23.2012 Rainy
I complain a lot, yet thats the only way for me to express my stress. If i dont, it will probably drive me insane for keeping my anger in. I do vent 24/7, its how i relief those pain. How come is easy for me to forget others, yet its hard to forget you? Someone who i only know for three months, and who i know nothing about. Get out of my mind! My playlist has all the songs you posted, i have an picture album of you in my laptop, i circled the date i fell for you on my calendar. You’re the reason why i my schedule is tighten up, sleepless, avoid to log on tumblr and facebook,…its been two months since we last talked, and here you are….
I got your message, sorry but i dont want to call you anymore. Not until i find a way to treat the sleepless nights, unless you would do me the favor. Its simple, just tell me to “stop”. I hope you werent the one who prank called me, or else that’d be a “lol”! Sorry if im being selfish, but im tired of being stuck in roller-coaster alone.
P.S: I know for a fact that if i keep talking to you i wouldnt be able to get you out of my mind, so i stopped. Well, it actually hurts more everytime something remind me of you. The feeling is like letting it steal my life away.
SDL: Wow, i suddenly feel like my night is complete?! Thats the weird thing about you, you have the magic that makes my time better. Yet its what upset me the most.
(Source: jellybellymelony)
05.21.2012 Cloudy
Heart: There are millions of people out there and i chose you, there are 8 planets in this world but i live on earth, and there are many good reasons for me to leave but i always search for that one simple reason to stay. I wish we had another time, you were the most precious person to me.
Brain: If its meant to be than it will come back to you, if its not than let it go. It will not lead nowhere but frustration. Screw you for everything, instead of forgiving you, i might “forget” instead. We both know RELATIONSHIP is just a funny game until someone gets hurt. After all, i find it stupid because i still miss you, maybe im stuck in the moment with you. I should be over it, but im not, it still haunts me.
This is the third time having depression;
First depression: Didnt speak for a year.
Second depression: Fibromyalgia, attempted suicide.
Third depression: Alzheimer(so far…)
50% people thinks that im psycho, im just insane for the rest. My bad that i have had depression background?!! Its not my fault that i got it from my grandparents. (Dont judge me, because you simply dont know shit about me. Reading my posts doesnt help you get to know me, so stop acting like you know me)
P.S: I feel like im so close to collapsing, im slowly giving up on everything. It is so upsetting to live…im not trying to make it sound theatrical, but i started thinking this way ever since 8th grade. Attempted suicide, cutting, tried to jumping off a building, tried popping bottles of pills, my life sounds like a mess. How awesome</3
(Source: jellybellymelony)
05.20.2012 Cloudy
I seriously JUST had a suicide though. I hate my life, i hate everything that i currently have in my life; even though i have nothing. Living is such a stress, such a pain in the ass. Ughh. I havent success any of the goals i wish, i feel like im not going to get nowhere with my life. Its easy to think how you want your future to be, but thats not real. I’ve lost, ive learned, ive tried, ive fell, ive cried, ive missed, ive losted, most important ive observed. Than how come im still struggling?
P.S: Im tired of letting others in so they could drive me crazy, i always end up going through stress and struggles alone. If you come in my life, you either stay or GTFO. I dont need a lot of people in my life, just the those who will care and actually notice me.
SDL: My life is going down hill AGAIN, im so sick of this. I dont want to try to fix it anymore, then it happen over and over again.
(Source: jellybellymelony)
05.19.2012 Sunny
Depression time interval:
It really sucks to have depression! It makes you moody, feeling ill, and nothing seems smooth like how it was before. So i got into a fight with my mom today, she hit me on the shoulder and i was really about to punch her, not hit, punch. My punches hurt, although i dont look like im the type of girl who can punch lol I got real mad at her, so i ignored her. If i make up my mind not to talk to you, i will do what my brain tells me. The last time i gone wild at my parents was last year, i didnt talk to them for at least a month or two. I ignored them whenever they called my name or asked me questions. I am very stubborn, i dont play games. Once i make up my mind, no one can change my choice but myself and I. This time, I might ignore her until MY summer starts. Which is in a month and a half.
P.S: My birthday is next Tuesday, i usually dont remember my birthday but ex-boyfriend sent me an early Gift in mail. I busted in tears, because no one remembers my birthday but him, although hes the only one who knows. My parents dont even remember my birthday, beside my grandma who passed away a month ago</3 Two weeks ago, my bff asked when was my birthday. I didnt answer, i pretend i didnt hear her question and walked slowly walked away. I honestly dont celebrate my birthday, i havent since age five. Others celebrate with families, i forget and it soon will be forgotten. So dont be surprise if i say I DONT KNOW.
SDL: I suddenly feel lonely?….have any of you have that feeling? The feeling only yourself care about you.
(Source: jellybellymelony)
05.18.2012 Sunny
Another sunny day, yet another upsetting down. It sucks to have depression, because you will feel sad no matter what time, when, and where you are of the day. Today was just like other regular day, instead i busted out in tears in the middle of the class, some sadness hit me. It gave me a bad chest pain, i could barely breath. Yeah, I ran out of the class with tears falling down. I thought i could live happy without you, i thought erasing you out of my life was easy, it wasnt as simple as i thought it was. Its actually a long process. Sorry for being weak. The more i try to forget you the worst comeback i get. Its so hard to vent these days, the more i vent each time i log on, those tears doubles up. This is pain in the ass Grr…
P.S: If i had a wish come true, it would be for time to rewind back to December. If i made a different choice, than i wouldnt be in the situation i am in RIGHT NOW. But you were the chosen one…♥ You once occupied an important spot in my heart, i have to say the feelings i created for you from the start are still the same. I know i cant ask for any more, but one day if i could, i’ll be next to you. Whenever im alone, i think A LOT. Its hard to describe why i still love you so much when you dont belong to me, maybe for you were all i wanted.
SDL: Its funny how my heart wont let it/past go, will you please teach me how to move on? Will you please show me the EXIT? Will you come lead the way to FUTURE? This inside pain is killing me. Basically, I tried to drop the past, but my heart wont.
(Source: mssukeekai)
